date:
Thursday, April 19, 2007
title: something to ease the pain
mood: headache
i've been sleeping too much that i almost come to a point to admit that i'm close to being a sleepwalker. a new version of pain has come to haunt me and it's called overly abusing headache. due to it, i haven't been able to get any shit done. i'll list it out so i won't forget it:
1. get a picture for my driver's i.d
2. get myself a shave
3. be nice to people (right...)
pastor's told me i should get a hobby. at least she haven't give up on giving me some pretty annoying words to sort out my life. think i'll buy more beer's just to get rid of this pain. finally it's been a week since Azira call. i hope something drop an answer on that head of hers.
i feel pathetic every time i wake up and look at my myself in the mirror. it's like i just wanna punch it to pieces and let my hand bleed all over again. people around me seem to be changing as they grow older. i don't talk to them anymore, and they don't even send a greeting online. i guess time changes everything, nothing has an exception.
Z happy b-day, expect something from me if you do decide to reply all those unanswered calls from me. either that, i just hope you have a good one with who ever you choose to celebrate it with. i'm sure you have your reasons. you always seem to do. no punt intended.
date:
Sunday, April 15, 2007
title: another brick broken down
theme : the exies, different than you
mood : bored old Sundays
i passed my driving license. finally i'll be able to drive without ever worrying about some cop pulling me over and hand out a report to my mum. see, my mum works with the police department and though she doesn't goes on patrol, she works close to the chief which makes her the first person to be informed of any crime activity that needs to be handed out. in my case, she tends to filter out every documents that has the name "Gary" on it hoping that my other initials doesn't show up. we all break the law sometimes, i'm lucky i haven't been caught yet.
i don't know what could be worst. people spreading false news about my break up or people spreading the false news that i've got a new gal. both are lies, i'm frankly sick of it. going to class in an 8 a.m rush hour certainly makes me a cranky person and believe me, when i'm cranky i really am cranky. and before i could even step into the bus, people come to me and do the same routine " u and her broke up??" or "u got a new gal?". i know, i know, i shouldn't care what people say but honestly, there's a limit to how much bull anyone can take. from what was between 3 came to even more annoying minds that heard the news. i mean like god, yea so what? enough with all the questions. enough with all the curiosity. enough with all weird awkwardness. just deal with it, it's not like it's the first time anyone broke up before. hell, even my friends broke up but i don't even make a meal out of it. it's pitiful , i hate pitifulness and i despise anyone that fells any pity to me.
everyone's pushing me to cut my hair. reason, it's too long and it annoys the crap out of them. good...that means i'm getting a little bit of retribution. i'll continue to grow my hair till i get sick of it. Zen says it makes me look like a girl, the guys say i look like a someone who lost his way, i believe it's my hair and they don't have a say in it. i think their just jealous because they can't grow their hair longer than they should. kids, grow up or move out.
can someone please just tell Azira to stop calling me asking bout you know who. doesn't the fact that me not answering her calls the whole day mean anything? for crying out loud, i cursed myself for allowing her to know where i lived. she said she was gonna come and pick me to see Z. i know she was lying. it was 7 p.m. and i think people need to be with their family for dinner, and no i'm not being the meanie here. i'm just avoiding anyone that tries to make me socialize and talk. i'll talk when my head's clear of all that headache i've been getting from those freshies who seem to think their better than everyone. wanna be somebody, don't come to Nilai. there's nothing for you to impressed here, just trees. if you wanna be a gardener go ahead; this place is so full of green anyways. maybe you'll be able to grow some flowers and make it more colorful. don't try and be all pretending just so you can fit in a group, sooner or later someone might whack you at the cafe like that poser who lasted only a sem here. don't try and impress me either, i'm the last you should be doing that to. with the things going so far, i might even just talk to you once and pretend you didn't existed for the rest of my miserable life.
truth be told, stay the fuck away from my life.
date:
Friday, April 6, 2007
title: Awake at 5
theme : linkin park, what i've done
mood : insanely awake
in cast you haven't heard, that's their new song that is gonna be out soon. i think the world needs that linkin park dejavu again. most probably their will be taking the globe again but who's to debate, their music is that good. i know i'm not that supportive of those popular bands anymore but still i will give credit where it is due.
sometimes i think malaysians just lag a major politeness in themselves. i was taking a public transport and the driver just bug me with his tone and gesture. and the trip was supposed to be only 80 cents, not a buck you moron. even i know that. if he and i were friends i can still tolerate it. there's a major big difference between the bus drivers in kk and kl. i'm not saying which one's better, i think people tend to act the same where ever they are.
i sometimes regret ever knowing certain people. making acquaintances, hanging out and just get thrown out of the door. if i can puked all the pain and problems away, i would. i'll gladly do it even if blood starts coming out, even if my throat will start aching like it's been cut by a blunt knife or worst, if i damage my lungs and get breathing problems . am i still the same person as i was before, i think not. don't hate me just because i act different. i'm just trying not to get hurt all over again. i'm avoiding a conversation because i feel i'm boring.
that's just who i am.
date:
Tuesday, April 3, 2007
title: so what did i do wrong this time
theme: papa roach, to be loved
watch : 300th
mood : cranky
so yeah... i did it again.
maybe i guess i was just too annoyed by things. maybe it was more than that, i think it was another level all together. but then, as always i tend to feel guilty and make up for it. i guess there wasn't anyone around that really misses this post as i had. i can count just how many thoughts came racing asking "what happen to your you know what".
i think i'll deprived myself of more socializing and just creep in the dark more. nobody even ask where i was when i confined myself to utter misery down here, so i guess i'll make a bet with myself when will one ever do so.
i think its time that some people forget bout me. frankly, i've been fooling myself with your stuck-up antics for too long. time to stop talking and just start hating again.
