date:
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
title:
its again another one of those nights where i had too much to drink, i woke up awhile ago and feel like theres somebody watching me in this small dark room. maybe it's just me being tipsy, maybe its just me being paranoid, or maybe it's me talking a bunch of things that only i can understand again. anyways, i think it would a be good time to write since i'm not thinking straight. hope i dont messed this one up.
if you come out of there,
i'll offer you my hand,
i'll let you bite it till it goes numb,
i'll pull you gently just to not scare you away,
i'll let you shine with your smile,
leave me your sharp edge to ponder,
make me free from this static mind,
i'll let you set free down this straight line,
if you show off your light,
i'll live to let you shine,
i'll let you paint me your fav color red,
as long as you leave me a mark down my arm,
when i turn jet black,
be sure to skyrocket to another galaxy,
leave me your stardust and poke my reality,
live for me to make me free,
i gaze above and pretend the pain is an ecstasy,
i'll leave you by my side,
just hide behind me and only come out at night,
i'll let you see this scars you painted,
be there for me when i need a release,
you'll never find another sky to fly,
the depth of your eyes just pierce my skin,
i admire just how can i hold you,
i can't even see where the blood is dripping,
all i know is i'm letting you heal me.
date:
Thursday, November 19, 2009
title:
consider this,
all night you stare at the clouds,
you have tears in your eyelids,
you touch the new scars on your wrist,
you said you haven't said enough,
i thought i saw you again in my sleep,
i wake up to hear a whisper that isn't there,
like blind leading the deaf,
my hands scratch the carpet,
gripping and clawing until it wasn't enough
i swear i heard you again,
if that was just another dream,
then why does everything seem on replay,
life should be continuous,
why is everything repeating,
i'm in the corner,
losing myself in the religion,
i don't know if i can keep doing,
i think i said enough,
i wish i saw you try,
but then i break down more at myself,
what brought me to my knees,
what if all these fantasies where true,
what if everything wasn't a lie,
i'm standing in a road of deliverance,
in a spotlight where nobody can see,
what maybe best to move,
seem like its better to just stand still and keep it in.
date:
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
title:
i feel stupid, fucking stupid.
there i was tryin to motivate myself for class again. brushing my teeth, taking my shower, doing the what if's in my head until i heard the knock on the door. "sorry, don't think will be going to class today" my driver said.
what in the hell is wrong with the world today. i just wanna go cut myself again and just slash everybody's throat in this house. do i have to go back to objectify every single piece of breathing meat out there?
im not gonna start making excuses for myself.
i AM gonna get my grade this semester. even if it mean i have to abuse myself to use anybody and pretend that their just dead lifeless puppets. again, i feel stupid. oh hell, fuck my life.
