date:
Monday, March 26, 2012
title: “The personal life deeply lived always expands into truths beyond itself. ” Anais Nin
my head is a bit intoxicated without the normal alcoholic poison. so i sat on my couch, sip my tea, lit my cig and decided i needed to blog about something to just let something (which i still don't know what) out of my chest.
ever get that feeling? something is pouring down in your mind and you just can't let it out for fear of being judged or worst being taken a fool just because you don't know exactly what it is your supposed to say or do. i do agree some what that i take my personal life a little bit extreme, but i like my privacy. i firmly believe if i can't have just a single moment by myself, i'm more prone to fail at life than living it.
things have been nice in mmu. although i do wish i had a few people i know around me, but they're far across the ocean or probably they've forgotten about me by now. me being replaced by somebody and my name just a cast of shadow in the midst of their mind. truth be told, it was expected. but that didn't stop me from sulking about it and imagining myself in an all white room screaming my lungs off to be remembered for something.
i've come to conclude that no matter how much i try to think about anybody, it just eats away at me knowing that the bond we share doesn't mean shit anymore and the deterioration incises within each passing day. a friend of mine once told me a person changes the more people they swing about from. i told her that ain't true and promise to proof her wrong. tonight i think she was right all along. what was going through my mind to go against her wisdom? she's been through more compared to me.
i bet that person is probably laughing at me right now for trying to vainly proof her wrong. i should give her a cig and say congratz, you where right all along.
date:
Friday, March 2, 2012
title: “I hear and I forget. I see and I remember. I do and I understand. ” - Confucius
"I figured I might as well let it out before it grips me down the drain.
So, I went to get a medical check-up today to settle the last part of my uni documentation. What turns out to be a normal routine check, turned into a night with a whole lot of counselling and micro medicinal vocabulary down my brain. Everything was going well, from my urine test towards my eye sight test until they check my pulse and suddenly the nurse stood up and immediately and pass my blood pressure results to the doctor.
The doctor took a glance look and ask me to head into his room. He ask me to sit down and ask me to relax. He took my pulse, and listen to my breathing and after that he told me I had Metabolic Syndrome. According to him, it a mixture of medical disorders that occur together which leads to heart disease, stroke and diabetes. While I need to go into a more detailed check to comfirm those three, he said chances are I'm already more than likely to have a heart disease and stroke due to the irregularity of my blood pressure and pulse rate.
He added that I'm already at risk since his initial findings from my so call general medical check up was sufficient proof enough I'm suffering from Young Hypertension (which in other terms mean High Blood Pressure).
What's even worst, there's no cure for all this he said. Only way to actually heal it is to actually "live" a more healthier lifestyle. I told myself great, I' already have to dig my own grave and now I know what I'll die off. So there it is, I'm practically can die any time now. I told my cousin about it he was speechless. I just told my mum about it over the phone and she said she'll come see me soon after her final chemo treatment, while my dad just said don't think too much about it. I'm not in a death bed yet, but I feel like I'm already standing in one. I don't know when I'll die but I guess I'm better telling somebody about it before it actually do hit me sooner.FML. "
