i was talking to an old high school friend of mine last night and decided to ditch her. sad story, is it?
for the right purpose i shall not give her name out, i'll just the generic english term for a girl which i assume everybody knows. what started out as a nice conversation suddenly became sour for me as she admitted that she had a crush on me in high school and still up to today harbor the same feelings though its not as strong as before.
i ended up just being sorry for her and feeeling more angry with myself for not noticing. its hard to admit when one is at fault but in this case i shall do the what is define as the ethical thing and admit i plainly wish to be some dead man singing for some change on the streets of boston. why did she had to tell me this news suddenly became irreverent as i was lost in minute of figuring out what was the right thing to say in this sort of situation. i humbly apologize if my negligence caused her any emotional heartache or some sort of discomfort and try to play the "what if i can turn back the time" game.
she's dating some guy now, i'm waiting for the snow to fall. shes happy, that's what counts. i think. i don't wanna dig myself another grave again and get back what i gave. i don't think its right. i think? maybe, perhaps, could be?i don't know what to think or make out of this.
i see a black crow following me and just staring at me. is it another me shaking its head or just some other graceful reject observer that is just waiting for me to fall ill to an open painful waste?
we ended our talk peacefully, luckily. no tears was shed, i think. it was a flame from a long time ago that i didn't notice, and when i was holding the other persons hand she was holding somebody else. there was no clash, so there was no grudges. she and her never met, so i think their roads never intertwined. so its all good right? now i'm jumping over incidents that doesn't make sense.
as a present for her confession, i deleted her from my list. no, she wasn't block. she can still see me, but i won't see her ever again unless she drops a line. doubts race my mind as to why her name was erased, erased for making me feel bad at being clueless maybe? i had a bad reasoning, lets close this chapter for now, i just killed the hero in this story again.
date:
Sunday, November 7, 2010
title:
time: 7:55 PM
a day has passed since my b-day hit full year circle and i hate to do this, but i counted those that actually remembered. out of all, it seemed like only 3 people actually remembered it. maybe it was the fact that i didn't set a reminder on my facebook, or maybe i just didn't "advertise" enough. perhaps maybe i'm too far apart for anybody to hear across the ocean or even too lazy to send any sms reminders saying "hi, remember tomorrow is my ... ".
i know i tend to scar this blog of mine with certain rants and tatters but those that have followed me for awhile have already gotten used to it. Reading of the posts from other people made me realize I am a bit neglected that much but what keeps me from dying only makes me go forward more.
Yes sadly my b-day has passed, but that doesn’t mean those that miss it shall be doomed forever. I’ve given up on the hating game and I really need to get some heat off my chest. I’m thankful enough to be 25, and praise the skies that I don’t look ugly when I decided to cut my hair to get the “Bold” look.Stephany said I look better, Wade said we can have a threesome now, ang kit said I look a bit notorious now that I wear the cap more with it, and I feel light headed whenever there is a cold breeze blowing past my buddha-like head.
What makes this post sadder is how my brother’s b-day was a few months ago and his ratio of having his friends/family remember his compared to mine was a ratio of 50:1.I dare not even check how my sister would fare against me. I’ve always had this assumption that people will remember those two more for certain reasons, reasons such as me lacking a little something in a certain department for which I rather not share for now.
For this time, I rather not have the perfect life as it does signify I can keep all my secrets away. The fact that I am remembered by the lesser means I can keep that story which nobody knows. something which makes me feel sometimes my life is a mixture of the word boring. For now, I’ll leave a perfect line down my wrist to help me remember what 5th November shall stand for next year.
Webowner
Hi,my name is Garrz. some would call me me G where others choose to be formal and just call me by my surname.
this blog is a recollection of my life and my undecided other soul.
while it may seem to be suicidal in a glance, it is just an explicit form of expression of myself against the typical world.
i AM a banana and i do LOVE sad pandas.
contact can be made towards ybgarr@gmail.com
