What does it mean to be a failure? I tell you though, it sucks. that feeling of knowing that you are a failure. a simple piece of shit that nobody can help out with, even your own shadow feels like giving up on u.

this is a personal confession:-

" i've been depressed in this shitty state ever since i moved here. this place is so dead to me. there's literally only 2 things to do here, bars and walmart. that's all the entertainment they have down here. of coz, some would argue that there's the starbucks, malls, and clubs. but then again, those are just luxury items to which i don't need. i miss home, i miss my frenz, i miss my family, and i miss my asian culture. i hate the people that make fun of me, throwing scrambled paper to my face, making fun of my english, making fun of my mum, not understanding that i'm a very private person, can't mind their own business, and most importantly people who seem to care more about their race more than their word.

i'd be lying if there was more than one time i contemplated taking my life away just to end everything away. with each fail attempt, i woke up in pain and just decided maybe i shouldn't do it anymore. i fail and keep on failing myself and everybody's expectations and it just take the light away from me. i choose to be a strong kid, trying to not seek help from anybody including my own parents. keeping secrets from everybody just because i was afraid it would make me look weak to them. i lie to them to make sure they think i'm safe and doing okay when instead i should have scream help me, i'm dying.

to make myself happy, i keep myself occupied with work, helping others out, drinking, and smoking like a train just to convince myself that there was nothing wrong with me. but deep down, it ate me alive.

now everything has come back to haunt me, it sucks that it has to end this way. my life as a failure, i don't know what am i to do now. should i just spend the rest half hour of my life in a dark corner feeling a little a cheap? i'm failure. i fail to meet everybody's expectations. I fail myself, and i'm tired of fighting "

i wish i can sleep eternally. i'm so ashamed that i can look at myself in the mirror or even look at anybody anymore. damn it i hate this.

Hi,my name is Garrz. some would call me me G where others choose to be formal and just call me by my surname. this blog is a recollection of my life and my undecided other soul. while it may seem to be suicidal in a glance, it is just an explicit form of expression of myself against the typical world. i AM a banana and i do LOVE sad pandas. contact can be made towards ybgarr@gmail.com

My Side Project /Zihan/ Parishna/Ryan

Software Used:Adobe Photoshop
Designer: ♥ ♥
Stocks: ♥

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