date:
Sunday, June 22, 2008
title: It's the way I should go
It's the way I should go
They can call me an idiot, but then again,
I’m used to being called that,
Others deem me as just a significant,
Based on just how loud I can be,
I feel dejected when ever I feel like this,
Being in a place so dark,
Yet unable to have his peace of mind,
Can’t have some shut eyes for too long,
What more to open my mind to others,
I can’t talk and hang with anybody that long,
There’s always a limit for me I guess,
At the beginning it was always fun,
Come to end I feel like puking all over,
The words friendship and relationship,
Are benign to my vocabulary,
I admit it’s wrong to ditch everybody,
But I have to accept the fact,
When ever somebody moves to a far away land,
They’ll always forget what brings them home,
Don’t say I didn’t try,
I know to a certain degree that I did,
Even god knows that it’s true,
But I want everybody to accept me as who I am,
I don’t stick with any packs or groups,
I have no favorite and certainly am not bias,
Those that know me know I’m no saint,
I have no such things as best friends,
I’m a gypsy, a wanderer, and a drifter,
All my life I’ve been moving from one place,
I’ll always keep everybody inside,
I thank you for healing and keeping me,
I love all of you I do,
But my life has always end up in hate,
I’ll leave a key on the table,
In hope it’ll help you understand,
I don’t change for anybody so never mind,
Nothing rests forever guys,
That’s the way I should be,
Call me the worst,
Or what ever that’ll make you happy,
I’ll always love every single one of you,
But I don’t want you to hurt now,
That’s all I wanted to say,
So for now,
I guess I’ll be on my way.
date:
Saturday, June 21, 2008
title: there's no more tears
theme: September, Cry For You
I wish there was another tornado today. And this time, I won’t bother myself to go down to the second floor shelter just so in terms I’ll survive the holocaust. Willy made a point the other day by stating the fact that even though we’re on the second floor, which is deem the most stable amongst all the 6th floors, the fact is we’re still in the building that can come down when it’s hit. So taking his point of view, it’ll be like four floors coming down crashing on you and you have no where to run. Now what an ending that would be for yours truly, they’ll probably make another memorial in which my name is engraved into some big stone and a porch will be brought up with words “here lies…”
I’m moving on, the only way I know how. For some, it’ll just seem that I’m a bad person just by doing what I normally do. But hey, there’s the good thing bout knowing me. I don’t change for anyone. Be it for a date or for some old poor soul who’s having his last breath to deal with, I don’t care about the usual norms that come with the process. I view things from my point of view and most of the time, people will always disagree with it on the basis that it’s just too cruel. I’m making a set of list in which will deal a sad and anger upbringing in my circle.
1. delete the majority of my friends from my life
2. make it as if I’m already dead in their eyes
3. vanish and never return, return only if deem necessary
4. on the chance of an encounter, pretend they don’t exist
5. make everybody hate you, “hate” enough to make them forget you easier
My classes have been going fine, work as always a sick voice that grips my head. And no, I haven’t checked any hot chicks here. By the end of the year, I think I want to follow Z and take the celibacy vow with her.
Here’s my take on my love life. I promised I only love her and love her alone. Should I take in another, then that promise will be broken and thus it’ll just be another waste of words on my part. My commitment is still there, but there’s no end point to it. My ethics deem me its wrong to break any promise. Thus, I shall and will not break any such promises made before even it means it’ll probably make me a miserable and sulky person in which I’m already am. I’m over and ditching the supposedly future that was there, instead I’m just taking a turn and building up something for me there without the other person.
I doubt anybody will notice anything bout me. They’re already fool by the facades that I’ve been rolling bout that they never even ask about my life. Even if they did, a simple lie is always available to twist their perspective of me. The only other person who knows me are miles away, and by the time we chat, I’ll already be in my room lonely enough to show off my true agenda.
I'm no saint, neither am I a peaceful type of guy. I'm just the type that like things to go bump in the night.
bury my heart,
mortified my soul,
within this walls,
may I be cold.
date:
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
title: next time, just delete it
Theme: pennywise; the western world
I should have just look away, I mean just bloody look away.
Why did I have to read her post? I mean its not my fault my mozilla open up to start with her page. Just one single bloody post, but god what an impact it had on me. Now I’m dejected, skipping another class again and just feeling irresponsible.
The irony is, I don’t feel empty. I wanted to cry, but then I couldn’t. Just like release everything and let it all go away. It’s all stuck within and can’t crack the prison door open. I feel like I need to start another scratching session again. But no, not right now. Its 10 am, I need to at least finish my lab reports and submit myself before more lab work. I owed it to myself to do so, stop being a slacker and stop being a fucking flunker.
Maybe it was a mistake to stay in contact with her. Crap, what ever. “Just breeze through and deal with it” I kept saying to myself. Don’t let yourself get distracted even more. What’s done is done; I’m used to all this hypocrisy and anarchism that tend to invade my solitude mind.
I’m in dire need of a break yea, not a kit-kat break, a real fucking real deal break. Away from all this books, works, social life, etc. Everything just keeps on falling apart that I just want to go out to Everest and scream to anybody above to just strike my with a thunderbolt.
My threshold of pain is indeed high, my patience nearly out of bonds, but for now, I’m think I must be the most stupidest person to ever fall a girl based on the term call love.
date:
Monday, June 9, 2008
title: a stupid poem
i keep on dragging,
listening to hymes,
keeping myself to envy,
there's no certain things,
changing faces,
is a daily trait,
don't be angry,
it's just that i'm after,
i like pretending,
even more when i'm empty,
when your time comes,
i hope your forget me as i am,
if my time comes,
i'll leave a note,
a time to drop and sit,
and just hope to be saved.
