date:
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
title:
parkway drive, carrionwhat should anybody do when somebody they know die? should they act differently since they're not related? but what if it was your kin that god has taken away...i rather not go into details about what and how i managed to know what had been going on. its nobody's fault. the sad part is my random negligence was also part to blame. but, i'm the type of person that does that. she knows i'm that sorta person, and acknowledges me for it. what gives others the right to hide it from me? i heard whispers behind my back talking about what i'll do. truth or false, i deem anybody would take the same path as me. i'll be selfish and say that i'll put anybody behind my dreams. but i promise myself to look after those that i hold dear secretly even if it means making them hate me. she was the only one that understood. maybe it was due to how many lives she's gone through. maybe it was due to just her always pulling my ear when i started to be sarcastic. she had a mean pinch. i remember when she defended me when i scratch the neighbors car because they were mean to her. i'm still can't believe she's gone. i'm still mourning. and i'm still rejecting people's reach to their intrigue about what's going through my soul. i know i don't act like them, does that mean i'm any different?i made my choice and gonna try and get back to revisit her tombstone. it's the least i could do. i'm praying out of the moon to let it be so. yes, there are cobwebs in my blog. i've been mourning and poisoning myself to quench the last bit of pain so that i can cry again. i don't see any drops. do you?
the alchohol's gone, and the razors has been burried deep and well. i feel like i just wanna vomit everytime i wake up, dehydrated and just a big fucking headache that's heavy enough to force me to go back to sleep again. so then i guess my heads drowsy enough to make something up. i got a theme and i think my fingers are sick of admiring that sharp shiny blade. i don't know what title this is gonna be. i'll leave it blank for now.
in a moment i'm lost
dyin' from the inside
i look apart and scratch the wall
tear me apart just to look up
dead souls speak in volume
can this be the last time
i walk on the darkest road
she whispers me from the other land
i wish she didn't fell
just enough time for me to be there
hold her hand and squeeze it
make out a fake smile
something real enough to make her day
go away angels of light
leave me alone for a few mins
if you say this is the way its meant to be
why are you making her soul a war
i'm weak i know
give me the means to return
i know i don't have the strength
now all i have is regrets
i thank you for giving her a good life
she has more ups than downs
i wish i could make it perfect now
but now all i can do is bleed
i'm starting to ignore again
life isn't a peachy diamond
it won't last
i vowed now
in return for all that she is down
i ask that she be taken care well up in heaven
i don't care who does it
just don't make me fuckin' repeat myself
i'm motivated again to make her proud here
maybe someday we'll meet again
her visiting me in the world of the dead
for now i'll keep on mourning
mourn like no other
ditch my sadness away
keeping my icy cold heart intact
becoming a person whom is
sadder than death,
rip grandmum.
date:
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
title:
CrashCarBurn; Serenadeso i've added 2 more links for my blogs.i won't lie. i'm taking this without nobody's how should i say "permission". call me a crook or what ever, its not my fault that these were found so so easily.one's galvin, some dude which i went to college with and whom was apart of my ex's holy trinity. he's a nice guy, though i laugh at how many attempts he try to smoke and cough out the smoke.the other's well, my ex. i know am gonna get a lil bit of a barrage of questions and rage for it. but hey, let me point something very very clear. this doesn't prove anything. this doesn't mean i'm back to pain point bus stop station number 1. i will admit, i do lick my wounds from time to time and it'll never heal until somebody calls the MIB and flashes that thingamajig that they used to put me in an amnesia state. any questions? i'll be glad to answer them later.in other words, tutz had a lil talk to me about what's been going on in the family. my family doesn't know who i am. they don't.i get into shitty problems, and i go depressed over it thinking of what to do. i don't ask for help. i don't show it, but instead i hide behind a face that just smiles and cracks at the lil bit of humor that i see. it's pathetic to not be able to ask for help. i'm quick to point out that i do the same to my friends as well. the few that i have left.i don't have a crew. and my housemates well, i don't even feel like sharing with them considering just how much of a CNN they can be. they are nice, but its not worth their trouble for them to hear me out bout what's bothering me. i realize i've been blogging a lot. it seems i've a lot of issues boil up. if people have "the crew", then perhaps i guess this is my own little personal dark corner where i can just creek in and ponder where do i go on.i don't talk a lot i know. people ask me that same old question. my theory is i have too much on my mind to focus on whats going on around me.a friend of mine which i won't name for reason of being polite thinks i should date a friend of hers. thought for the day.
