date: Monday, August 30, 2010
title:
time: 5:23 AM


a view from outside my new place. i feel like its very cozy but yet at the same time very new considering that for the first time, i'm staying in with 2 total strangers. one's an American and the other is from Pakistan. both are nice but at times thinks the other complains a little bit too much. i sense that they respect me well coz i don't talk shit too much (or don't talk at all) and thinks i need a date to make more open towards life.

cowley's started last week but i choose to ignore the first week of classes. going to class this week in hopes that there won't be any big tests or quizzes coming up. i'm still trying to get a car, badly. i sense that my body is starting to die slowly on me due to my self mutilation and i feel like i need to go back to Malaysia to feel the warmth of the people again. i need to hang around people that i know won't judge me for what i'm lacking or what i'm wearing. i need somebody to just come over to my face and go like "i saw you today in that dark corner over there..." and just continue to have a normal conversation from there, not somebody that'll leave my shadow for dead once i introduce my name.

yes, i decided to put a flash mp3 player on my blog. for now, it only has one song. i feel the time period of that song is enough for anybody to read by my post, though i may change it depending on the circumstances.

razor cuts and scars are back on the menu again. a favorite that seems to never go away. i apologize to those that felt i'm a bastard for breaking my bow. i break words like one.



date: Wednesday, August 18, 2010
title:
time: 6:24 PM

will i get stronger as the day past?
will i get by the bricks of rejection that keeps on falling?
i can't seem to be always far ahead of myself
even when a spark of hope comes by
why is it always that spark that dies first
why can't it just end with me

i sense a hazardous cloud above me
with all that i've been through
i feel like i can't please anybody at all
i'm depressed down to my bare bones
it's sad when all that hard earn work just get flushed by the rain

i'm questioning now
if any of my prayers ever get through
i'm pulling a blanket of shadows down over my head
i wanna reach for the skies and just grab hold of the stars again
it don't matter now
i have to keep on pushing
i have to make it true

this chain of torment is going far too long
i can see the angels and their tears
dripping to my skin just to say i have to preserver
i understand but yet it's painful each time i incite my thanks
with all this words that's written in the dark
i WILL make my dreams come TRUE



Webowner

Hi,my name is Garrz. some would call me me G where others choose to be formal and just call me by my surname. this blog is a recollection of my life and my undecided other soul. while it may seem to be suicidal in a glance, it is just an explicit form of expression of myself against the typical world. i AM a banana and i do LOVE sad pandas. contact can be made towards ybgarr@gmail.com

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