i feel like my eyes wanna start pouring again. i hit my head against the wall just to see if it can be a good distraction. bad move, now i'm dizzy and my eyes are getting watery. just hold it in i guess i can say. the most problematic part about not giving in is that you feel your heart is pierced and a sharp pain looming over your chest. you might wanna take your hands off that invisible stick because frankly, its not gonna do a shit anything.
sent that hedley song to Mitch the other day and ended influencing her to download a whole stack of their songs. gawd.. ask her what's new and all since its been awhile since i last chatted with her. she complain about how working is frankly a bitch to her energy and just wanted to get some balanced out sleep to keep her mind working in flexes. on the good part, she's happy with her life back there.
she gave me the lay-down that i tend to over analyze things too much and as such deemed me as well just asking for trouble for myself. kinda of a smarting remark for her to make but then, i'm used to her words. perhaps maybe its true that i just think too much, but gotta remember, its one of the things that makes me who i am. hate me for it, i ain't gonna change. sure i'm not the same guy that was back in nilai. that so called horrid moment there in which i still remember those words that was uttered "games we played as kids" in which i so blasphemously still hate and will remember. the part that made me bitter and just wish i didn't attend college in the first place.
my, like my relationship isn't already depressing enough.
wait for the new year. you might hate me more.
date:
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
title:
time: 7:53 PM
(The Midway State,Is This Never Again)
it's minus 2 degrees outside now and i couldn't even have a normal morning ciggy with out shivering my ass off. it's cold and that annoying one hour delay effect is seriously messing up my time table table. normally it would be 6 but then, thanks to it i'm waking up at 5 am in the morning.
think i'm gonna flunk again this semester, think i'm gonna go to probation next semester. think everything is so messed up this semester that i just wanna repeat everything again. which i will next semester.
one of my poems is gonna get publish in a book next winter. i need to recheck with the arts director here to see if the offer is legitimate and not some scam which unfortunately US is widely known for. i'm wondering what the people i'm thinking off in my mind is doing right now.
i had a second round b-day bash at field house thanks to patrick. that nutter, well at least he's cool. next time, i'm gonna have to return the favor. it was alright though. got some free key chain call Tuaca, i'm thinking its a drink they're promoting. met the owner of Field House as well, gawd she was a girl. A boss lady, for a bar, in which predominately is attended by guys. reminds me of that movie Coyote Ugly all over again. only this time, without girls dancing on tables and guys cheering for more action.
for now, let's just get on with work.
date:
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
title:
time: 6:01 PM
i awoke from slumber just waiting for a self inflicted accident to happen. my mood ran past the red zone and it came back with a bitchy personality that perhaps to some would mean i'm really really really not in the mood to even have an eye contact with.
the vid i guess seems ok, or maybe my taste has gone down again. if im in no mood for a scream, what even more than i hear my ear drums say we don't want any beats as well, i guess this is the only fastest way to calm to myself before i start dicing everyone that just even knocks the door.
got an extra 2 exams today, french and music and after that i've gonna see that psych lecturer who thinks i'm a slacker. days gonna start at 8 and end in 2. weather forecast states its gonna be raining today. rain rain go away, make somebody else fall astray.
date:
Monday, November 10, 2008
title:
time: 3:27 PM
its been a crazy weekend. went to lionel's place for his farewell party. as one would expect, it was free lunch. food pretty much was made out of singaporean chicken rice, some veges in a thick oyster sauce, egg tart, a bucket full of kfc, some curry chicken and those delightful banana rolls that ryan came out with. hooray for indonesia for creating something which malaysia never thought off.
nite was, let's just say a typical house party. mus was being a fire starter and started to just spread the word that about my b-day. muhilan was so determined to see me get drunk. and bef was being a stalker chasing me around the house with the words "Gary's HERE!!!". oh my freaking gawd, i couldn't even step out the house for more than a min before somebody started pulling me towards the table and offered me something. everybody in the house was offering me shots that i just had to creep down to the basement and just tag a rest in benji's bed for a second just to compose myself.
the final draw came at the end of the party. the finale of it all where a drunk lionel just grab a bottle of tequila and just shot it down my throat. the steaming heat that came in between and after, just enough to make me puke in the house. i was trying to control my head and keep on telling my mouth don't open don't open and just let it passed through. what's even more troubling was that no salt was around for me to even take a sip to take the heat off. that final shot made me pass through my limit and i just grab beff and told her to get me out of there. her boyfrind was already drunk as well so both me and him grabbed her shoulders and just let her be our guide towards the car.
the next day, the three of us decided to have some mcd's. the first thing beff told me was her shoulders ache like hell. the next thing she said was "i hate u". i just told her to hate her boyfriend more coz he was the one that wanted to see me drunk.
date:
Friday, November 7, 2008
title:
time: 6:01 PM
(revolverheld, Mit dir chillen)
decided to cancel my facebook account. finally, i guess...
i don't think its wise for me to tell everybody the reason why i keep on deleting myself from everybody. it makes perfect sense to not elaborate about it. its better to just let them keep on guessing. just make it crystal clear, i dont intend to prolong my facebook life any longer. what's decided can't be turn back, all thats left is to do it. my oh my, not even a minute has gone by and already a certain cousin of mine is using the f word on me. it happens i guess. gladly, i'm able to say i'm used with this family hostility. it comes and goes if your me, luckily your not.
i'm keeping tabs on what's gonna happen in my bday. 95 per cent of people around me didn't realize/ forgot it was my bday. the list of people that i love on the 5th of nov :
1 my mum 2 astrid 3 joy 4 bev 5 fird 6 ang kit 7 ablinash 8 zihan 9 lis (not liz)
though some made the mistake of completely forgetting when the exact date really was, i guess i can appreciate the fact that they can actually remember it was on nov. the fact alone they didn't forget was more than enough for me to convey my thanks. for those that forgot, well i'll give them the usual hand sign to the face.
its been coming, just not that in the mood for it. i've got a French test today and i'm doing nothing about it.
i have a fear of goin back to m'sia, i have a fear of getting stuck there and no going beyond the ocean, i fear the most is that i'll end up a nothing
Webowner
Hi,my name is Garrz. some would call me me G where others choose to be formal and just call me by my surname.
this blog is a recollection of my life and my undecided other soul.
while it may seem to be suicidal in a glance, it is just an explicit form of expression of myself against the typical world.
i AM a banana and i do LOVE sad pandas.
contact can be made towards ybgarr@gmail.com
