date:
Wednesday, August 22, 2007
title: burn down my neverland
theme : anberlin, godspeed
umie just walk through the door obviously doesntly like me interfering in her quest to get on the chat room. too bad, i'm in no jolly good mood to even give a damn about her and her internal problems. i mean like hey, i was here first and she's not even paying anything in this room. i played my part by paying the utilities, at least that proves i ain't a free loader.
liz is going this friday and i can't explain what or if i'm supposed to feel anything. i mean i did all that i could, what else didn't i do? i tried to cast my time for her but she was always too busy. and even if she said yes, she always ended up dissappointing me in the end with her "sorry, another thing came up" jibe. i tried to do some favors for her, i don't know if it was enough. and most of all, trying to calm down that raging fire that came when the guys started mocking me for all of the wrong reasons. if this is it, then maybe i am cursed. i was always convinced that some one in my family was born on the wrong star and i always had this deep feeling it was me.
annia's becoming a liltle too cozy to me for her own good. yea, she's a nice girl but i doubt i'll stay up with her on a long term. she's too feminine and prefers too much girls for my taste. all the other friends in my chain are either dead (in my state of my mind) or just have accepted the fact that i'm boredom.
results for my last papers were good. didn't really expected i would get a B for my biology. i mean seriously with all that skipping classes routine that i was going to, a C would fit the bill. have faith, that's that the preacher said to me the last time i went to church.
been to two clubs now in kl, and though i maintain my stay in my anti-club philosophy; i think that every place has it's own positive side. no matter how many demons linger there, there's always something that could give some light into it.
as to how am i doing currently, i'm planning to buy a razor blade and start cutting myself again. honestly, i'm stuck here and i'm getting sick of it. it's not that i choose to stay here, it's just that i seem to find my life again being manipulated by those that which can't be name. one's that i hate and feel discusted at and no matter where i go, i know that they'll always be there to make a move on my every thoughts. it's my life so why can't they leave me alone. i know to some people its wrong to be so rebellious but there's also a point where one should never ever cross the line. that line was crossed a long time ago and nobody i've met so far has managed to heal or changed anything. sure they always say the same thing, each with different points of views etc but at the end it always end up the same. so i'm giving up now and and doing something for a change of mind. perhaps someday, i'll find a resolution myself because i definitely know that nobody else can help me now.
