date:
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
title:
was browsing through my docs and looking for a piece of info i had made for one of my online assignments and i came upon some piece of incomplete letter that i had made. at the end of the letter, i wrote the initials "must be continued, keep and stash..". i figured now is as good time as any to put it to rest."dear love,i swear when i first met you i swore i couldn't expect what would happen. i became speechless and just unable to move for a second. compare to the other girls that came to my world, maybe it was just the way your eyes seem to gaze that just made me to want to look more into your soul. i was curious, i was naive, and i didn't know what i was getting myself into. i needed to run away from everything and just forget bout the life i had at home. i lied too much to myself, and just let you walk around unguarded which eternally let us to be apart. i became worst than a shadow, i was the shadow of my own reflection. i walk around thinking now that i lost my soul. you said " i had enough", i ran away from my responsibilities. "am i too much" i think, wondering if i was a big disgrace. i stood at the bus stop always with the thought how i hate driving so much, now with pretense of how i hate a relationship more.i never forget the memories of long ago. i keep it in mind when ever somebody ask if i'd ever date again. i need to tire myself again and just drown under the water tap thinking i'd drown myself. dear darl, it felt 100 years when i decide to just keep it simple. you came when nobody was around. i think the moon became a crescent and slash the cloud that was over my head. i'm not lying, i'm not denying, you save me from the wreck and made me better. the fact that you talk to me, and listen what was wrong with me made me think the world wasn't a bad place after all. and then it hit me that what was going between us wasn't as much as it seemed to be. i couldn't care less who you mingle with, it was just that i felt we're just meant to be friends and nothing more. my lord may you strike me with a thunder bolt for saying this blasphemy. i'm glad your far apart from me now. i feel so much better that we didn't go through with it. i'm not saying your bad, i'm just saying my mind and heart wasn't there. with these eyes, i stayed up all night just thinking of how am i to destroy this relationship. "i miss you" is the only honest confession that i can say. i don't need you right now, i just need myself to stand alone again. when until the morning comes, i forgot about our life. i happy you miss me, but i decide to disappeared from you was a choice that i had to make.dear self,.... "
date:
Monday, October 11, 2010
title:
having a lot sleepless nights certainly put a lot of strain on my eyes, especially since i tend to just simply click things and blurt stuff that would make my world wish i crack a hole in the ground and just let myself fall like Jesus did so as to never be seen again.
Adnan and Wade were arguing again about who was right and who had the most dumbest theory. the male egotistical debates rages on. i decided to see what was their topic and they where arguing bout getting laid. how did the dynamics of this unwanted topic came up i can never solved, but they went at it and decided to put each other to the test. "THIS" is where i unfortunately came in. glances of senile and grin from both sides were widely shown as Adnan uttered...
Adnan : I'd give you 100 dollars if you can get a girl to sleep with Gary in one week
Wade : You think I won't be able to do it. I can I tell you, as long as our ninja agrees.
while i felt stares that pierce my soul looking straight at me, i stop sipping my coffee which i bought from QT and look into their soul. then i realize that they where actually serious which made me even more edgy and i just reply with a simple say...
: I'm no deuce bigalow. No.
so then the rest of the day was spend me trying avoid the topic of the day and trying to make sure they don't make any plans to do something which i won't do behind my back.
my housemates are actually nice guys, but sometimes they can be a noisy and stuff and just do some crazy thing like smoke weed when the land lord is around or just barged into my room to make sure i'm alive and not dead yet.
my best wishes to all the heart broken people out there, life itself is a sin that bites you in its own way.
date:
Monday, October 4, 2010
title:
did some cleaning to my blog before the snow hits and pushes me into hibernation mode again.there's a new link at the side with the titled "my side project" and that's what exactly what it means. it's just a link to another blog that i created for the sole purposes to store my so called ugly writings which i will do after this post. i know i'm not the most active blogger around but i'll try to keep everything alive, which was the main reason i made one in the first place. more motivation for me to keep on writing and make sure my english doesn't go on rotting again.
i decided to made a new blog for my other writings just because i don't feel jumbling everything into just one corner. it kinda makes my work look a bit like a, uh..."rojak". so starting today, this blog shall be just for my normal posts with the pictures here while the other shall be home for my other writings like quotes and poems which won't win any oscars.
some links where removed as i wish to pay respect to the owners and lets say thats the end of it.
i've decided to put the other blog on a different contact email as well just for the sake for it to have a sense of its own originality. songs are updated for both blogs.
as a cheap advertisement, the c-box for the other blog is freshly empty so it's up for grabs to see who'll put his/her comment there first.
songs are updated on both, its no top 5 but it gets me through the day. hopefully it'll help anybody that reads the same as well.
after a hard days work, i decided to look around the kitchen to see if there was any soda pop around. i took a 7 up from the fridge and my eyes suddenly glared upon a UV vodka. with little contemplation, my mind just say "wth, why not" and i decided to make a cup of blue vodka to myself.
thus came the end to my night and into nightmares i moved on to next.
