it's been a very bad start to the new year. my well of tears are all but dried up from everything that happen from last year. i'm not even allowed to ask my soul to drench itself more of its innocence drops of feathers just so i can just lay in my bed peacefully. through out last year, i feel as if i've finally achieved something. acquired a soul mate maybe? put a real smile on my joker face? maybe even finally be able to reconnect with somebody that i think i actually hold dear. but as the new year envelopes me, i feel as if all was lost and now fucking back again to square one to which all that i'm doing right now is just crying in pain.

in my point of view, i confess to the shadows of the night that i have indeed lost 3 dear souls to me. it feels that way to me. don't ask me for details, it just feels so. maybe it was me not wanting to hug them, as an act of trying to just say let us just be friends for now, lets not spoil what we have. i have grave fear of losing anybody that seems to be seems to be a step-up from a friends persona, to which i clinch my fist when ever i hear that they're having any sorts of bump in their road.

the second soul that i feel i have lost is the one that i think i've cared for the most. yes, it is a bitch sometimes to be a mistress in a relationship. but then again, it was a long distance sorta thing and i can't fool myself thinking she'll eventually fall for me. it ended when she say she don't know what she thinks of me anymore, i cut the ties when i sense she was only using me as a toy to keep her company.

last but not least is the one to whom i feel will always be my favorite dark shadow. yes, it was more or less a complicated fling. i feel obligated to talk to her when ever i saw her around. but then, i played the fool for hoping too much and with that came the demise of my stature.

so many but's in this post this time, maybe it just my bones saying it. all through it all, i came to realize i never held their hands. all that came was a hug and simple gesture of a kiss that seem to be replied with any decency. it was like there was always a dark eclipse behind each stare off, thus the white sparrows just fell from the heaven and i let them carry each off away.

i can't look for answers anymore, but dear god why did you have to let me pick her? if i was given one more day to say my last words, "it would be i'm drowning in pain, so long as our love remain."

the cold wind is blowing through my window now, i think its a sign for me just be pick my minutes and just be stagnant to my life as of today. may the wind give me chills, at least i'll know i still have the heart to carry on walking with this black arrow still piercing my already torn broken heart.

Hi,my name is Garrz. some would call me me G where others choose to be formal and just call me by my surname. this blog is a recollection of my life and my undecided other soul. while it may seem to be suicidal in a glance, it is just an explicit form of expression of myself against the typical world. i AM a banana and i do LOVE sad pandas. contact can be made towards ybgarr@gmail.com

My Side Project /Zihan/ Parishna/Ryan

Software Used:Adobe Photoshop
Designer: ♥ ♥
Stocks: ♥

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