date:
Friday, April 9, 2010
title:
a friend of mine contact me out of my blue and we a lil chat. i feel a bit withdrawn to tell her any updates about me seeing that i myself just fail at life didnt even make any effort to try and say a wats up to her. its a pain for me this semester, though my much fancy facade has help to help me fucking hang on to whats left. a piece of the convo make a stain in my brain and decided to stick itself there.
" forget about ur stuff and just focus on your studies, you always succeed at what ever you focus"
i hate it when somebody's right and i'm not. but i have to give praise when it is plainly due. this is gonna be a long one so bear with me.
me and this guy, nameless has been going to class with a car. see, what you don't know about nameless is that he applied for a student visa and thought it would be okay to just enroll. unfortunately in the middle of the semester, his visa application got rejected by the visa guys and he was left to pack his bags and head back. what that meant was that, he was forced to drop his classes and take a flight home which left me all alone to go to class. did i feel sad, yes i did. but i also know that result also meant trouble for me since i basically had no means of transport to go to class. so for the past weeks, i've sacrificed my consumption of food and replaced it with cab fair which costs about 80 bucks to head to class because frankly i really DO NOT WANNA FREAKING FAIL. the end of the semester is near, but i still have lots to do. i have to pay the rent, get a drivers license, and just try to keep my house together coz i can see my other housemate has just been demoralized by the lost of nameless.i'm starving myself to get to class and i'm doing a good job. nobody really knows about this and i guess its because its due to the fact that i'm just being a garr. so far, i've managed to stamp an A, and in need of getting another 2 more. i hate it when every time i set myself to do something, there's a freaking road block that just bumps itself to see whether or not i have what it takes to jump over it and move forward. the worst part for all of this is that i'm sacrificing a class because its on another day and i really can't make it because by then, i will be broke by the end of the month to do anything. good part is this whole messed puts me into a fucking pressure cooker to which i strive upon to deliver fucking results.
am i broke ? yes
am i hungry ? yes
do i have to do this? yes
i'm just looking forward to finishing this semester with 2 A's, a B and an F. what the hell, i just really can't be perfect anymore.
sometimes i wish i was somebody else, or nobody else. but then again, i know my existence is special because i'm blessed with facing such turmoils. get the job done "garr", focus and do your thing. "you" can't depend on anybody. "you" got this.
