date: Wednesday, October 20, 2010
title:
time: 1:27 PM

was browsing through my docs and looking for a piece of info i had made for one of my online assignments and i came upon some piece of incomplete letter that i had made. at the end of the letter, i wrote the initials "must be continued, keep and stash..". i figured now is as good time as any to put it to rest.

"dear love,

i swear when i first met you i swore i couldn't expect what would happen. i became speechless and just unable to move for a second. compare to the other girls that came to my world, maybe it was just the way your eyes seem to gaze that just made me to want to look more into your soul. i was curious, i was naive, and i didn't know what i was getting myself into.

i needed to run away from everything and just forget bout the life i had at home. i lied too much to myself, and just let you walk around unguarded which eternally let us to be apart. i became worst than a shadow, i was the shadow of my own reflection.

i walk around thinking now that i lost my soul. you said " i had enough", i ran away from my responsibilities. "am i too much" i think, wondering if i was a big disgrace. i stood at the bus stop always with the thought how i hate driving so much, now with pretense of how i hate a relationship more.

i never forget the memories of long ago. i keep it in mind when ever somebody ask if i'd ever date again. i need to tire myself again and just drown under the water tap thinking i'd drown myself.

dear darl,

it felt 100 years when i decide to just keep it simple. you came when nobody was around. i think the moon became a crescent and slash the cloud that was over my head. i'm not lying, i'm not denying, you save me from the wreck and made me better.

the fact that you talk to me, and listen what was wrong with me made me think the world wasn't a bad place after all. and then it hit me that what was going between us wasn't as much as it seemed to be. i couldn't care less who you mingle with, it was just that i felt we're just meant to be friends and nothing more.

my lord may you strike me with a thunder bolt for saying this blasphemy. i'm glad your far apart from me now. i feel so much better that we didn't go through with it. i'm not saying your bad, i'm just saying my mind and heart wasn't there. with these eyes, i stayed up all night just thinking of how am i to destroy this relationship.

"i miss you" is the only honest confession that i can say. i don't need you right now, i just need myself to stand alone again. when until the morning comes, i forgot about our life. i happy you miss me, but i decide to disappeared from you was a choice that i had to make.

dear self,

.... "



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Hi,my name is Garrz. some would call me me G where others choose to be formal and just call me by my surname. this blog is a recollection of my life and my undecided other soul. while it may seem to be suicidal in a glance, it is just an explicit form of expression of myself against the typical world. i AM a banana and i do LOVE sad pandas. contact can be made towards ybgarr@gmail.com

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