manchester orchestra, shake it out

finals are just around the corner and i still have a shitlist of work to do. i've just e-mail my mum concerning about something which i will not tell (for now) and am drown with guilty about it. gawd i wish i can just drown myself.

i tried this purple looking vodka the other night and it tasted epically dreadful. if i ever see another purple drink in front of me, i'd be sure i'd get out of the room and just look for a late night mcd's to ditch the club.

there's a reason why i hate looking at pictures. i always seem to come across something which reminds me of something bad that happened within them and my mind just feel a slight pinch of a nail being hammered to my lungs. it's a dreadful way to describe it i know, but then i guess its just something that i got to deal with. i wanna be a living ghost at times, just something that can look at something and just feel empty inside. being drunk to let the tears out is emphatically zero atm seeing that i freaking made an oath to never repeat it again.

i do thank the lord for all that's been granted to me, but i guess at the same time i do need to suffer sometimes and not lead a perfect life. some have ask will i ever love again? honestly, i can't answer. its just that something which i think i never know. the pain is still there, the scars tend to open once inawhile, but at least i'm dealing it better than i did before. i know the time will come when i have to take another knife to break off the stitches again and just confront a part of me that's been locked up so long. i'm bracing myself everyday that its gonna happen, i'm reminding myself that it will be a bitch again to be dealt with, and i'm keeping myself sane because it is just something which WILL inevitably happen. do i make another fool of myself again or do can i trust myself to be stone cold about it? i'm hoping that its the latter.

there's only sadness and happiness at the end for that path for me. so far i'm only dealing with sadness, so then again if it comes to it; i guess i'll deal with more sadness at the end. maybe i'm supposed to be sad all the time and just be complacent about it. i'm nobody special to be with, maybe i'm meant to be alone til i bleed it out.

eternally, my funeral will be a specter where all the only guardians will be the snowing rain that'll cover my grave with whiteness that'll mask my sorrow for nobody to be see.

Hi,my name is Garrz. some would call me me G where others choose to be formal and just call me by my surname. this blog is a recollection of my life and my undecided other soul. while it may seem to be suicidal in a glance, it is just an explicit form of expression of myself against the typical world. i AM a banana and i do LOVE sad pandas. contact can be made towards ybgarr@gmail.com

My Side Project /Zihan/ Parishna/Ryan

Software Used:Adobe Photoshop
Designer: ♥ ♥
Stocks: ♥

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