i've decided to change the annoying song finally. my mood for today is livid and just plain silent perpendicular acoustic emotional dark shadowy depressed smile to lie slump.

i've grow mad at myself sometimes for not being able to do what i think i can do. its a plain disappointment when i can't live up to expectations just because i don't like the field that is being expected of me and hate the plain view of the morning sunrise signaling to give it another go again. i wish that the moon could stay a bit longer and that i have a katana to slice off the smile of the sun.

i stare at myself in front of the screen just wondering what is wrong with until i realize that there's really nothing wrong. its just peer and family expectations that just overwhelms me to a state where i just lock the door in my room every midnight and scratch my arms with some sharp object hoping i don't pass out from the blood that pours out.

i stare deep into the shadows hoping for some sort of guidance will hit my mind and just tell me to do something but alas nothing ever comes out of it. lis made a valid point to me saying that she thinks me keeping myself away from everybody gives off the perception that i'm either a forgetful soul that was just meant to be forgotten or i'm just trying to see who or what will still remember me at the end of the day. which makes me think more towards my past post where i contemplate if friends are just there for benefits or just the plain luxury.

lets fucking face it, everybody changes when they're with new people no matter where the bloody hell they are. be it if they're in malaysia or even war torn iraq, people change just for the plain the reason they want to adapt to their new surroundings. i'm thankful enough i'm one of the plain minorities that do the opposite even if at times it just makes me drool here and there just trying to keep up with all the hypocrites that has been running around here and there. i used to change for somebody and the bitterness that came after that ate me from inside that i just let myself be chewed by it and let all the bridges burned here and there. i lived with it and its just something that can't be fixed, period.

even today, people still talk about it to me and i just take chuck a tequila just to make sure i don't make it to the night with hopes i'll have a heavy hang over to forget about was said. this world is a small place, it sucks to see just how much the walls have closed on me.

I'm old enough to know better and young enough to not give a shit either. maybe someday i'll wake up and say to myself that this was just another dream that just went sour.

Hi,my name is Garrz. some would call me me G where others choose to be formal and just call me by my surname. this blog is a recollection of my life and my undecided other soul. while it may seem to be suicidal in a glance, it is just an explicit form of expression of myself against the typical world. i AM a banana and i do LOVE sad pandas. contact can be made towards ybgarr@gmail.com

My Side Project /Zihan/ Parishna/Ryan

Software Used:Adobe Photoshop
Designer: ♥ ♥
Stocks: ♥

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